Strategic fatherhood

At the "Armor Up" conference this past weekend, one of the sessions focused on strategic fatherhood. Dr. Greg Bourgond said that a strategic father is:

• Child-centered (Proverbs 22:6)
• Protective (1 Timothy 5:8)
• Engaged (Ephesians 6:4)
• Strategic (Genesis 49:22-26)
• A model (1 Timothy 4:8)

Dr. Bourgond also said that a strategic father is a "guide by the side."

Armor up

Today I'm off to "Armor Up," a 24-hour advance for men to be held in Zumbro Falls, Minn. The featured speaker is Dr. Greg Bourgond, author of "A Rattling of Sabers" and "Papa's Blessings."

I went through Dr. Bourgond's Heart of a Warrior program and have been to a Heart of a Warrior advance before.

This should be a good time of male bonding and learning how to more fully become the man that God wants me to be.

Ways God speaks

My church small group has been watching "Empowered Evangelism," an amazing six-DVD series that features Robby Dawkins.

In the DVD series, Dawkins covers five ways that God speaks to us:

1. Popping words or scripture into your mind
2. Popping pictures into your mind
3. Knowing all of a sudden what God is saying
4. Having visions
5. Connecting through dreams

Dawkins encourages us to go out on a limb when praying for people. This involves saying "I sense," "I feel," or "I see" phrases about God connecting with someone before you actually know what God is saying. Dawkins adds that when we put our faith in God, He will help us to share His word with people.

Moving beyond shock

On pp. 69-70 of "Good-bye, Mitch," Rebecca Chepokas writes about how her mind began to clear a few weeks after her son Mitch died of cancer:

One chore I could no longer put off was unpacking Mitchell's suitcase from our recent cruise. I began removing new clothing he had never worn and treasures and toys he had not had the strength or time to enjoy. I was flooded with precious memories.

Suddenly, my anguish exploded. On the floor, surrounded by Mitchell's things, my heart shattered. I cried out, 'I want my Mitch back! Lord, I know You are in control of my life, please guide me and give me the strength I need to endure. You created me. Only You know what I am feeling. Tell me, how do I grieve? Please help me, Lord, to understand.'

After regaining my composure, I realized there was a pattern to my frequent emotional eruptions. I recognized the early stage of grieving that I had read about earlier. First was disbelief, followed by the numbing bandage of shock. But this soon ripped away exposing my emotional pain as an open sore, raw and tender.

While I wondered if God was trying to get my attention, an unexpected peace swept over me. God was answering my prayer. He had exposed my pain to grant me understanding. He was showing me, that to be healed, my pain must first be exposed. Only then can I deal with it. Then, how I grieve is my choice to make.

It was a choice He was urging me to make. If I chose to stay in a state of shock, its numbing effect would soon give way to dangerous, all-consuming self-pity and anger. I would be left emotionally crippled with a heartache I was unable to heal.

Rebecca learned that she needed to move beyond shock and go through each stage of grief in order to be healed.

Mitt Romney in 2012

Four years ago, I wrote about how Mitt Romney heard a "whisper" during a debate. I wonder if there have been any "whispers" in Presidential debates this time around.

Going home without Mitch

In December I wrote about Mitchell Chepokas, a boy who died in 2003 from cancer. On pp. 61-62 of "Good-bye, Mitch," a book written by Rebecca Chepokas (Mitch's mom) and Ronald M. Stanchfield (Mitch's grandfather), Rebecca writes about how God was with her when she had to leave the hospital without her beloved son:

Alone and in tears, I poured out my broken heart to God. I released my anger and my fears to Him. Gradually, I felt my strength return as God filled me with a new supernatural strength, empowering me to do what I could not do on my own -- continue on.

Then as I thanked God for His presence, for His grace and His sovereign love, my tears began to subside. The bedroom door slowly opened. It was Melissa [her daughter]. Stepping aside, she looked at me and questioned, 'Mom, why are you so sad?'

I moved to her. We sat on the edge of my bed and hugged. I explained how hard it was for me to come home without Mitch. She responded tenderly, 'Mom, Mitch is in Heaven, and he wants you to be happy!' Her simple but wise words filled me with peace and comfort.

'You are my angel sent by God,' I told her. God used my precious daughter's words to answer my prayers. Moments later, as I assured Steve [her husband] that I was feeling better, I found myself distracted by a reoccurring phrase rolling through my mind like words on a marquee. 'Well done my good and faithful servant!'

I marveled at how merciful God is! I realized God's Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me. God knew my troubled and broken heart, that I needed such words of encouragement. In faith I had turned to Him for strength. For this He was pleased. It was God telling me, 'Well done my good and faithful servant!'

I think that we all long for that approval and hope that at the end of our lives God says, "Well done."

You are missed, John Brian Becker.

One year ago today my brother-in-law, John Brian Becker, passed away. Melanoma eventually won the battle.

In the past year he has been thought of so often by me and my wife, Patty. There have been the natural times that we have missed him, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, and the summer ceremony in which his ashes were buried.

But there have been many other times as well. Like when I walked by a new bar/restaurant in downtown St. Paul called Amsterdam. Or when the Minnesota Fringe Festival took place. There are little things here and there that spark our memories of John Brian.

We miss you, John Brian. Everyone misses you. We know that you're in a better place, though.