Cancer changes perspective

Guest post by Jackie Eyberg

I hadn’t really heard the voice of God until I received my diagnosis of breast cancer. On Feb. 6, 2020, I was diagnosed. This day changed my perspective on life and my relationship with God.

Before my diagnosis I was busy. I am a mom to three young children and work full time as a teacher. I was trying to do it all and wasn’t doing it all very well. There were times when I was working that I would hear God tell me to slow down, but I didn’t know how. I would rush to get to work, rush to get home and make dinner and then try to spend time with my kids while trying to keep up with my teacher work and the work of keeping a house in order. I wasn’t spending quality time with God or getting filled up in the word. I was rushing through each day and not enjoying life.

After my diagnosis, I took a leave from my teaching job so I could focus on my chemotherapy treatment and getting better. This was hard for me because I love teaching. I feel teaching is my God-given purpose and what I was created to do. But I knew I had to do this to slow down. I was looking forward to spending my days at home reading and spending time with God. Then COVID-19 hit. My kids were home with me and I was their teacher now. 

I am finding ways to slow down and be with God. Every morning, I get up early before my kids wake up to spend time with God. My church has been having online devotions which get me into the word. I have also been reading a devotion and reading the Bible in a year. The more reading of the Bible that I do, the more God is speaking to me. In the stories of the Bible, I hear different people going through trials and putting their trust in Jesus more. God is teaching me to trust him more with my future. I am trying to give up the control in my life and let God control every area. I am putting my faith over my fears. Romans 12:12 has been my theme verse during my cancer journey: “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

I am learning to take one day at a time and one chemo treatment at a time. I am trying to focus on each day and what is really important in life. Cancer is teaching me to slow down and let God take care of my worries and concerns. I am learning to listen to God more and what he wants for my life instead of what I want. I hope my story encourages you today!

Moving beyond shock

On pp. 69-70 of "Good-bye, Mitch," Rebecca Chepokas writes about how her mind began to clear a few weeks after her son Mitch died of cancer:

One chore I could no longer put off was unpacking Mitchell's suitcase from our recent cruise. I began removing new clothing he had never worn and treasures and toys he had not had the strength or time to enjoy. I was flooded with precious memories.

Suddenly, my anguish exploded. On the floor, surrounded by Mitchell's things, my heart shattered. I cried out, 'I want my Mitch back! Lord, I know You are in control of my life, please guide me and give me the strength I need to endure. You created me. Only You know what I am feeling. Tell me, how do I grieve? Please help me, Lord, to understand.'

After regaining my composure, I realized there was a pattern to my frequent emotional eruptions. I recognized the early stage of grieving that I had read about earlier. First was disbelief, followed by the numbing bandage of shock. But this soon ripped away exposing my emotional pain as an open sore, raw and tender.

While I wondered if God was trying to get my attention, an unexpected peace swept over me. God was answering my prayer. He had exposed my pain to grant me understanding. He was showing me, that to be healed, my pain must first be exposed. Only then can I deal with it. Then, how I grieve is my choice to make.

It was a choice He was urging me to make. If I chose to stay in a state of shock, its numbing effect would soon give way to dangerous, all-consuming self-pity and anger. I would be left emotionally crippled with a heartache I was unable to heal.

Rebecca learned that she needed to move beyond shock and go through each stage of grief in order to be healed.

Going home without Mitch

In December I wrote about Mitchell Chepokas, a boy who died in 2003 from cancer. On pp. 61-62 of "Good-bye, Mitch," a book written by Rebecca Chepokas (Mitch's mom) and Ronald M. Stanchfield (Mitch's grandfather), Rebecca writes about how God was with her when she had to leave the hospital without her beloved son:

Alone and in tears, I poured out my broken heart to God. I released my anger and my fears to Him. Gradually, I felt my strength return as God filled me with a new supernatural strength, empowering me to do what I could not do on my own -- continue on.

Then as I thanked God for His presence, for His grace and His sovereign love, my tears began to subside. The bedroom door slowly opened. It was Melissa [her daughter]. Stepping aside, she looked at me and questioned, 'Mom, why are you so sad?'

I moved to her. We sat on the edge of my bed and hugged. I explained how hard it was for me to come home without Mitch. She responded tenderly, 'Mom, Mitch is in Heaven, and he wants you to be happy!' Her simple but wise words filled me with peace and comfort.

'You are my angel sent by God,' I told her. God used my precious daughter's words to answer my prayers. Moments later, as I assured Steve [her husband] that I was feeling better, I found myself distracted by a reoccurring phrase rolling through my mind like words on a marquee. 'Well done my good and faithful servant!'

I marveled at how merciful God is! I realized God's Holy Spirit was speaking directly to me. God knew my troubled and broken heart, that I needed such words of encouragement. In faith I had turned to Him for strength. For this He was pleased. It was God telling me, 'Well done my good and faithful servant!'

I think that we all long for that approval and hope that at the end of our lives God says, "Well done."

You are missed, John Brian Becker.

One year ago today my brother-in-law, John Brian Becker, passed away. Melanoma eventually won the battle.

In the past year he has been thought of so often by me and my wife, Patty. There have been the natural times that we have missed him, such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, his birthday, and the summer ceremony in which his ashes were buried.

But there have been many other times as well. Like when I walked by a new bar/restaurant in downtown St. Paul called Amsterdam. Or when the Minnesota Fringe Festival took place. There are little things here and there that spark our memories of John Brian.

We miss you, John Brian. Everyone misses you. We know that you're in a better place, though.

Good-bye, Mitch

I'm currently reading a book called "Good-bye, Mitch." It's by Rebecca Chepokas and Ronald M. Stanchfield, and it's the story of Mitchell Chepokas (Rebecca's son). In April 2001, Mitchell learned he was a victim of a genetic disorder called Marfans Syndrome, and in June 2002, he learned that he had cancer, which would take his life.

On pp. 56-57, an interesting scene takes place in a hospital room:

While I (Rebecca) slept, my mother came to her grandson's bedside. Responding to God's urging, she held Mitch's hand and began to pray. She thanked God for the gift of Mitchell in all of our lives. She thanked God for His grace and mercy, for His sovereign love, for the many friendships that brought great comfort, and for meeting each and every need during such a time of crisis.

'Thank you, Lord, for your ministering angels...' she prayed. Then she heard it -- the melodic chorus of harps. She looked about the room for the source. The music expanded over Mitchell's bed and soon filled the room. 'Do you hear the music, Mitch?'

He responded, 'Uh-huh.'

'I do, too,' she said, and asked, 'Isn't it beautiful?'

Again he said, 'Uh-huh.'

'Thank You that Your angels are here,' she prayed. Then, as quickly as it began, the music was gone. People soon began to enter the room.

It's amazing how fleeting yet powerful God's presence can be. Perhaps that makes it all the more special when He touches us.

Eulogy for John Brian Becker

Here is the text of the eulogy that I delivered today at John Brian Becker's funeral. It's a great collection of stories that highlight the various aspects of his life. I miss him.

John Brian Becker

John Brian Becker Eulogy – February 11, 2011

Hi. My name is Brant Skogrand, and I’m a brother-in-law of John Brian. More specifically, I’m married to his sister Patty, also known as "five of nine." Today I’m going to share stories about John Brian from his parents, siblings and a couple of in-laws. You’ll hear in their own words their favorite memories of John Brian, how he touched people’s lives and more. While you’ll hear how missed he is, you’ll also realize that this is a celebration of his rich life.

LEONARD AUSTIN, JOHN BRIAN’S BROTHER-IN-LAW:  One of my memories of John was how good of a host he was.  When we traveled to Europe to visit John and Jason it felt like he dropped everything to meet us at airports, help us around town, participate in kid-oriented events like time at the park, and help us navigate the train system.
            I will always remember watching John, Jason, Susan and the kids painting pictures on the floor of their apartment in Groningen.

JENNIFER PROBST, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER-IN-LAW:  John Brian was wonderful at making me feel that I was part of the Becker family.  He and Jason literally gave Tom and me a home for a year when we moved back to Minneapolis.  Sharing the daily rhythms of life with them allowed us to know him and feel a part of JB's life in a special way that we both value greatly.

ME/BRANT SKOGRAND:  For me, I always appreciated John Brian’s sense of artistry. When he directed the Minnesota Fringe Festival play “Will the Real Superman Please Stand Up?” he let me audition for a role. Now most people don’t think of “fringe” when they look at me, but John Brian was open to giving me a shot. I didn’t get the part, though.

TOM BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S BROTHER:  In thinking about how John Brian influenced me, he was a tangible example for me that a person could fall outside the norms and expectations set for them by society and yet be tremendously virtuous.  More than that, he showed me that often it is the very act of refusing to submit to the yoke of convention that marks the virtuous person.  He was a living testament that honesty with others, but even more importantly with oneself, is worth striving and fighting for.  The courageous honesty he embodied is fundamental in how I try to live and so I'll be able to carry that part of him with me always.

JULIE BECKER TOTO, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  JB was wise beyond his years. He built people up. He brought people together to enjoy life.  We had our share of sibling rivalry... I wanted "Sesame Street," he wanted "Woody Woodpecker."  I wanted to tag along with JB and the older neighborhood kids. He didn't want his sister coming along to ruin his adventures and threaten, "I'm telling Mom.” 

There was a pivotal moment for us that changed our relationship forever. I was 11.  JB was 13. He explained he was sorry for all the times he teased and excluded me.  He said he wanted to start fresh and be friends.  I believe I skeptically replied, "Do you need money?" 

He spent the next 22 years proving his sincerity.  I was an insecure, awkward preteen with zits and hair that was never quite big enough, but JB didn't seem to notice.  He complimented me on my talents, encouraged me to try new things, made time to know my friends and told me that I was beautiful.  He built my self-esteem at a time when I needed it the most. 

BRENDA GERARD, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  I always enjoyed talking food and gardening with John.  Once I mentioned how I wished I could make sushi at home; and so a couple days later he hosted a sushi making gathering and taught me how to make my own sushi. 

John was also a great gardener.  Last summer, John gave me six strawberry plants from his ever-spreading patch.  I planted them in my garden, and by last fall they had spread into many more plants.  This spring they should produce lots of sweet red strawberries. I'm sure I will be thinking of you, John, each time I pick one of those strawberries.

PATTY SKOGRAND, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  John was fun and encouraging. One summer, when he was in high school and I was home from college, he helped me learn how to do a front flip on the trampoline.

I was very fearful of getting the height and throwing my body forward and upside down, but I really wanted to be able to do it. John was patient and encouraging and wanted me to be able to succeed. He spent the time that was necessary to help me achieve something that I wanted.

Even in the last months of his life, when I visited he was strong and loving and caring enough to let me grieve and cry. He said, “You don’t have to protect me from your feelings. It’s okay to be sad.” I remember how beautiful he was inside and out.

DIANN BRASSEUR, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  After John was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma, I was intentional about getting together with him more. I wanted to get to know my brother better and just show him love. We had many long, good conversations about all kinds of things.   

One time John said to me, "I hate this cancer, but if it weren't for the cancer, I don't think we would be spending this time together and growing closer to one another."  I agreed.  I will always cherish these last three years with John, and hope that my love for him was a reflection of God's love for him. I love you John and I will miss you.

LYNDA HURT, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  Although he was my little brother, I want to thank John for all the things HE taught ME:

•   To appreciate good dark chocolate and spinach pizzas,

•   To embrace the diversity in the world instead of fear it,

•   To communicate to family and friends that you love and appreciate them,

•   And how to live and die with dignity.

John, I will miss you and love you forever, Lynda.

SUSAN AUSTIN, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  One of my first memories of John Brian is rocking him and sitting with him, holding him when he was a baby. Recently, I was caring for him again – it was déjà vu.

One of the days when I visited him recently, I had been up all night. When I came downstairs in the morning, there were six girls around. John Brian grew up with a bunch of girls, and it just hit me – he was surrounded by women again that loved him. He really loved people.

I also remember how, when John Brian was a teenager, I would take him with me on some road trips. I took him with on a trip to Milwaukee and Chicago. He said, “That was the first time I realized we could get in a car and be somewhere in four hours.” It really was an awakening for him.

FROM BARB BLACK, JOHN BRIAN’S SISTER:  John was determined and strong and tender at the same time.  Definitely a free spirit.  When we went to Chicago, he had to go back a couple of days later. I said, “John, don’t you think that you should book a flight?”  He said, “Barb, the problem with you is that you don’t live in the moment.”  He really enjoyed doing what he was doing when he was doing it.

He could be prickly, and he was so darn stubborn. He was so resistant to any talk of God, but was OK with me praying over him.  One time recently when I was at his house praying over him, mom saw a big tear running down his face, so somewhere in there was God’s love.

FROM OLIVER BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S FATHER:  John was my guardian angel after my hunting accident in 2004.  He was my voice when I could not talk, he was my advocate for all my needs.  John came back from Philadelphia to sit by my side in the hospital for 40 days.  There is no better feeling than to awake from an induced sleep and see someone you love that cares about you sitting by your side and wanting to help you with your every need.  I will love you and miss you forever my son.

FROM ELOISE BECKER, JOHN BRIAN’S MOTHER:  I loved John even before he was born.  I lost my grandfather named John about four months before John was born and at that point his dad and I started calling the baby John-John.  The day he was born a huge rainbow appeared in the eastern sky.  Barbara captured it in a photo.  John taught us many things with his view of life.  I remember shortly after he was diagnosed with cancer someone he knew came up to him and said, “John I heard you have cancer, is it terminal?”  He thought just a moment and said, “Aren’t we all?” 

I know that everyone that knew him has stories they could tell about John and why they loved him.  I thank God for lending him to us for 35 years, and I ask God to give him His Eternal Rest.

In closing, on behalf of John Brian’s family, I want to thank everyone who has come today to share in the celebration of John’s life.  Also, thank you to everyone who has supported us by giving your love and kindness to John during his journey.  Thanks to Jason Patzlaff, John Brian’s best friend for 10 years and the one who did an amazing job of caring for him during John Brian’s courageous battle with melanoma. Thank you too, friends and family for your prayer support.  I know there are many people who are not here today who cared about us and let us know that in so many meaningful ways.  Sharing our love and grief has lightened our load.  Thank you.

Obituary for John Brian Becker

Becker, John Brian

 (JayBee) Age 35

After a long and courageous battle with melanoma, John passed away on February 3, 2011. He is survived by parents Oliver and Eloise Becker, sisters Barbara (David) Black, Susan (Leonard) Austin, Lynda Hurt, Diann (Steve) Brasseur, Patty (Brant) Skogrand, Brenda (Charles) Gerard, Julie (Christian) Toto, and brother Thomas (Jennifer Probst) and best friend, caregiver and partner Jason Patzlaff and 16 nieces and nephews.   

Special thanks to the many “Forever Friends” who were always there to support and love him through his long journey. Special thanks also to his colleagues, friends and doctors at the University of Minnesota. He loved going to work. 

A Celebration of John’s life with a Mass of Christian Burial will be held 10:30 a.m. Friday, February 11, 2011 at St. Joseph of the Lakes Catholic Church, 171 Elm Street, Lino Lakes, Minn. Visitation one hour prior to Mass (9:30 – 10:30 a.m.) at the church. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Our Lady of Good Counsel Home, 2076 St. Anthony Avenue, St. Paul, MN 55104

In memoriam: JB Becker

JB Becker

Today my brother-in-law, JB Becker, passed away. He had been fighting a long battle with cancer. His melanoma was first discovered in 1998, but doctors were able to perform surgery to remove the cancer. The cancer metastasized in 2007, and JB put up a valiant fight.

He was only 35 years old, but he packed a lot of life into those 35 years. In addition to living in Minneapolis, JB also lived in the Netherlands and Philadelphia. He loved playing soccer, gardening, acting, and talking about politics and religion. JB directed a play that was part of the Minnesota Fringe Festival one year called "Will the Real Superman Please Stand Up?" I auditioned for the play, but didn't get the part.

JB even let me beat him at tennis a couple of times.

He is missed. So long, JB. We love you.

Breast cancer survivor shares journey

Like most women, Sabrina Goble rarely did her self breast examination for cancer. In 2007, she had a routine mammogram. The gynecologist said that everything was fine, and to come back in a year. But God had something else to show Goble, according to a story in the Cabarrus News:

'My husband and I were touring homes on a Saturday. They had nice outdoor bathrooms with sinks and mirrors and skylights that let the sunlight come through the roof. As I went in, the spaghetti strap on my blouse, that had been falling all day, fell again. In the light from that skylight I saw an indentation on the top of my chest. I ran my hand over it and said 'What is this?' It felt distinctively different. Round. And hard. Like a BB. And I saw it with my eyes.

'So I was in the doctor's office on Monday morning. I want people to know this is not something you put off. You go immediately.

'The surgeon removed the 0.6 centimeter tumor the same week. Five days later, I got the devastating phone call. I was in shock when they told me it was malignant and that a second surgery would have to be scheduled because they didn't get it all.

'At that moment, I fell to my knees in anguish. God spoke to me and said that if I would trust Him, He would use it for something good to help others.'

The breast cancer survivor since has embarked on a campaign to educate women about the importance of self breast exams, mammograms, and how to deal with breast cancer.

Sabrina Goble

We are the ones being tested

On p. 143 of "The Bondage Breaker", Neil T. Anderson relates a story that demonstrates the reality of deceiving spirits:

When I was a pastor, some of the members of my church unwittingly yielded to the temptation to put God to the test. I had a dear friend who was dying of cancer. But word spread around the church that four independent 'witnesses' all testified that Dick wasn't going to die because God had told them so. Several exclaimed, 'Isn't it wonderful that God is going to heal Dick!' Three weeks later Dick was dead.

If God was the One who told these four people that Dick wasn't going to die, then what does that make God? A liar. But is God a liar? Of course not; He's the truth. The originator of this 'good news' was obviously the father of lies. Deceiving spirits had circulated a lie about Dick in an attempt to create a false hope and destory the congregation's confidence in God.

God is under no obligation to us; He is under obligation only to Himself. There is no way you can cleverly word a prayer so that God must respond to it. That not only distorts the meaning of prayer but puts us in the position of manipulating God. The righteous shall live by faith in the written Word of God and not demand that God prove Himself in response to our whims or wishes, no matter how noble they may be. We are the ones being tested, not God.

Choosing between cancer and a newborn

The Sikeston Standard Democrat in Missouri recently ran a story about Tonya Pobst, who found out that she was pregnant after being diagnosed with cancer. She was about to undergo a mastectomy, and had two choices: continue with the surgery, but her pregnancy would be terminated — or wait until her second trimester, but the cancer could spread during that time. She decided to wait.

Pobst prayed and prayed, and God spoke to her:

'He said he’d take care of me, and the baby will be healthy,' Pobst said. '... I thought that’s what the Lord wanted me to do. This is his plan. Who am I to mess it up? Who am I to play God?'

Pobst followed God's plan and continued with her pregnancy. She had a healthy baby girl, Khielynn Claire, and surgery that removed all of her cancer.

Faith over fear in cancer

My brother-in-law has cancer. He's only about 30 years old. Actually, he first discovered that he had melanoma (skin cancer) in 1998. But the doctors caught it early and he was able to have surgery done to get it removed. He recently noticed a couple of lumps, went to the doctor, and found out that the cancer had metastasized.

My brother-in-law is not a Christian. Often God puts us through very difficult times to help us surrender to Him. That may be the case with my brother-in-law. Hopefully he will find Christ -- please pray for him. . .