Conflict at a wedding reception

Weddings can be glorious and exciting. Marriage, however, can be downright difficult. On p. 195 of "Wild at Heart," John Eldredge shares how both he and his wife felt hurt and disappointment resurface while at a friend's wedding reception. Rather than succumb to Satan's attack, John prayed about his marriage:

Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the wave began to lift. My thoughts and emotions quieted down to a more normal size. Clarity was returning. The campfire was just a campfire again. Jesus, you know the pain and disappointment in my heart. What would you have me do? (The bar was no longer an option, but I was still planning to just go straight to my room for the rest of the night.) I want you to go back in there and ask your wife to dance. I knew he was right; I knew that somewhere down deep inside that's what my true heart would want to do. But the desire still seemed so far away. I lingered for five more minutes, hoping he had another option for me. He remained silent, but the assault was over and the bonfire was only embers. Once more I knew the man I wanted to be.

John went back to the wedding reception and asked his wife to dance. They had a glorious -- and exciting -- evening.

Get in or get out

On p. 192-193 of "Wild at Heart," John Eldredge relates how marriage involves a battle:

Will you fight for her? That's the question Jesus asked me many years ago, right before our tenth anniversary, right at the time I was wondering what had happened to the woman I married. You're on the fence, John, he said. Get in or get out. I knew what he was saying -- stop being a nice guy and act like a warrior. Play the man. I brought flowers, took her to dinner, and began to move back toward her in my heart. But I knew there was more. That night, before we went to bed, I prayed for Stasi in a way I'd never prayed for her before. Out loud, before all the heavenly hosts, I stepped between her and the forces of darkness that had been coming against her. Honestly, I didn't really know what I was doing, only that I needed to take on the dragon. All hell broke loose. Everything we've learned about spiritual warfare began that night. And you know what happened? Stasi got free, the tower of her depression gave way as I began to truly fight for her.

Men, we need to fight for our wives over and over.

Husbands: listen to your wives

Every marriage encounters challenges. My wife and I were talking recently about the issues affecting our marriage when I decided to pray.

Heavenly Father, please come into this situation, solve our differences and heal our wounds. Show me what I need to do to make this marriage successful.

His response:  Listen.

When I mentioned to my wife my prayer and God's response, she was deeply touched. I'm listening to her and it is making all the difference.

God the wooer

On p. 70-71 of "Love and War:  Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of," John Eldredge shares some great insight into how God woos us:

Some of you found the romance of God at the beach. Some of you found it on the rivers or in the meadows. Some of you found it in books. All that has ever stirred your heart, that was God romancing you. For as the Bible says, 'Every good and perfect gift comes down from the Father above' (James 1:17).


Sometimes I (John) will walk out of the house in the early morning or I'll be taking the dog out in the late evening and suddenly a breeze will come and just brush my cheek. I have finally come to realize that it is God wooing me. And you know what I'll do? I'll turn my face into it. That is what He wants. He wants us to turn our faces into those things that he is bringing to woo our hearts. He wants us to turn all of that longing and all of that desire, and just give it over to him. That is how you experience the love of God.

For me, I think that I find the romance of God in music. Some music just really moves me.

My son found the romance of God at the ocean on our recent vacation to Hawaii. It was a thrill to see the joy in his face; I'm sure that God lights up whenever He sees us enjoying His creation.

Marriage is. . .love and war

I recently finished reading "Love & War:  Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of," the latest book by John and Stasi Eldredge. In the book, they are very open about the ups and downs of their own marriage, and what it takes for a marriage to succeed.

In one passage (p. 65-66), John talks about an experience one morning related to our insatiable desires:

This time of year it is still dark at 5:30, and I just sat there, holding the cup in my hands, letting the warmth seep into me. My soul felt like it was coming back from some distant place. Where does it wander off to at night? I have no idea. My dreams are a vague memory. Sitting cross-legged on the sofa, cradling my cup, I began to turn my thoughts toward God. It was so good to know that I had time to linger and just be with God. What are you saying this morning, Jesus? What do I need?

A few moments of quiet, and then I hear, My love.

I'm not in crisis. Yesterday was a good day. We held some pretty energetic meetings at work; it was fun. When I got home, I fixed the leaking kitchen sink -- a triumph that makes a man feel mighty fine. (I tried to help Stasi relate, 'Imagine you just lost five pounds today.') After dinner I finished a book I'd been enjoying. Stasi and I are in a good place. We snuggled when we went to bed. But all that was yesterday. As I am regaining consciousness this morning, coming back to myself, none of that remains. My soul is needy again. Good grief -- I feel like a sponge. I can take in so much in a day, almost ravenously, feel pretty good, but the next day I am dried out. Again.

This is the nature of our condition. All of us are leaky vessels. Sandy soil. When it comes to happiness, our soul is like a colander, a tire with a nail in it, our grandfather's memory. It feels like there is a homeless person inside of us, wandering around pushing a shopping cart.

This is brutal on a marriage.

What happens is that we end up looking to our spouses to fill us up. That's too much pressure, and of course we're going to be disappointed. Jesus is the only one who can quench our desires.

Serve your wife

Each morning I ask God, "What would you have me do today? What is your will for me today?" Sometimes I don't really hear anything, but last Thursday I definitely heard something. Over and over, I heard:

"Serve your wife."

So I started to ask my wife how I could serve her. She inquired why I was asking her that question. I told her about the message from God, and she cried. It definitely hit a nerve. She has felt overwhelmed by household things such as doing the laundry, and was relieved when I offered to help. I keep trying to think of ways to serve her.

Men, ask your wives how you can serve them. They will appreciate it. Take some of the burden off of their shoulders.

God softens my heart

My wife and I saw "U23D" this past weekend. It was an excellent, visually cool film. We were talking about the movie afterwards, and she applied some of the lyrics from "One" to her experience in our marriage:

You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

After she quoted that part of the song, I realized how much I had hurt her. Ever since my parents divorced when I was a child, I have hardened my heart and have not let anyone get close to me. This weekend I realized that it's time to let go of that hurt and be there for other people emotionally -- especially my wife.

The importance of family

Families are very important to God. They help people through life. Unfortunately, many forces in our society, as well as Satan, work to break up families. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette recently ran a story about Eric Chandler and Julie Powell, a couple who has been off and on for 16 years. They finally are going to get married, thanks to God speaking to Chandler in Dec. 2005:

'I truly believe, in our on-and-off relationship, we've learned a lot being by ourselves and then breaking up and seeing other people,' he says. 'I was by myself and God spoke to me and said, 'You need to take care of your family.''

It's important for men to be rocks for their families. God put us in place to lead our families, and we need to be there for them.

We all are equal under God

I saw an excellent movie recently on DVD called Sweet Land. It's set in post-WWI Minnesota and involves a controversial Norwegian-German mail-order marriage.

In Sweet Land, John Heard plays the local minister who openly forbids the marriage. He comes across as a holier-than-thou, snobbish minister.

It reminds me that ministers and pastors are not above the rest of us, although some may act that way. We all have equal access to God, His word and His love.

Virgins until marriage

The Times of South Africa recently wrote about a virgins' ball, in which young Christian girls promise their fathers that they will stay virgins until their wedding day. One event in Tucson, Ariz., featured former Miss Arizona 2006, Hilary Griffith, who talked about remaining a virgin until marriage:

'Alas, it is not usual to focus on purity in our society. I’ve always refused to compromise and have stayed firm in my resolve to stay pure until the day I marry. My belief in God is so important to me. I am convinced that He wants me to wait. But it is very difficult and there are many obstacles on the way.'

The beauty queen had a relationship with a boy who pushed her into having sex, while she wanted to wait. After God spoke to her, she knew what to do — break up with him.

'The world says that staying a virgin till marriage isn’t a big deal, but the world is wrong. It is a big deal!'

Approximately 1,300 virgin balls are organized by Christian groups across the country annually.

I will not let Satan come between us

My marriage has hit a rough patch, as I'm sure all marriages do. I had a vision last weekend while trimming trees that essentially was a call to arms.

Last weekend, my wife and I were trimming trees in our yard -- I was up high on a ladder while she was on the ground below. As I was trimming, all of a sudden I had a vision of Satan coming between us right there. It wasn't the traditional devil-with-horns image; it was more of a vision of darkness.

Right away, I knew what I had to do: I prayed. "In the name of Jesus, I command Satan to leave my marriage alone."

My wife said that I probably hadn't noticed Satan before so clearly because I was so used to him being around. Well, no longer -- Satan is persona non grata in my home.

We must never give up the fight

I firmly believe that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle, and that spiritual warfare exists. Satan is waiting in the wings, ready to jump into our lives and cause problems. I find that whenever I get closer to God, my wife or my family, Satan makes his presence known.

It happened just yesterday. In the morning and during the day, my wife and I were feeling closer to each other than we had in a long time -- we felt like the best of friends. But when I came home from work, we got in a terrible fight and said some very nasty things to each other. She blamed me, I blamed her, but I know that it was Satan jumping in and trying to break up our family.

In desperation, I said, "OK, Satan -- you win!"

I can't believe that I said that. I have been reading the book of Job lately, and I have tremendous respect for Job. After all that he went through, he never gave up on God. But for me, just one little challenge, and I gave up.

As men, we must never give up the fight in this spiritual battle. It is up to us to defend our families from the forces of darkness. We must keep our families together and use God's force in the battle. We must never let Satan win.