Outside the Inner Ring

A friend of mine from my Heart of a Warrior group shared with me a speech that C.S. Lewis gave in 1944 as the Memorial Lecture at King's College, University of London. The speech was called "The Inner Ring", and it described the need of humans to belong.

In his speech, Lewis mentioned that "the passion for the Inner Ring is most skillful in making a man who is not yet a very bad man do very bad things."

He also said that "the quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it."

Then it dawned on me. Growing up, I was not part of my stepdad's Inner Ring in my family of origin. It hurt not to be included with my stepdad, mom and half brothers. As a result, I have tried all of my life to be part of my family of origin's Inner Ring.

That quest has caused me to do things that I'm not proud of, specifically rejecting my dad, wife and son because my stepdad's Inner Ring did not approve of or include them. How shameful and hurtful to my family.

The quest to be a part of my stepdad's Inner Ring has broken my heart and others. I'm giving up that quest.

The importance of family

Families are very important to God. They help people through life. Unfortunately, many forces in our society, as well as Satan, work to break up families. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette recently ran a story about Eric Chandler and Julie Powell, a couple who has been off and on for 16 years. They finally are going to get married, thanks to God speaking to Chandler in Dec. 2005:

'I truly believe, in our on-and-off relationship, we've learned a lot being by ourselves and then breaking up and seeing other people,' he says. 'I was by myself and God spoke to me and said, 'You need to take care of your family.''

It's important for men to be rocks for their families. God put us in place to lead our families, and we need to be there for them.

Convicted

I recently had an out-of-body experience that convicted me of my wrongs and showed me the path that I should take. I was sitting at my kitchen table with my wife and my son, started not feeling too well, and zoned out.

I then saw an image of the three of us sitting at the kitchen table, and I could see the impact that my temper has had on my family over the years. In my wife I saw extreme sadness. In my son, I could see that he had a mix of emotions and couldn't identify his feelings except for the anger that he felt.

I realized then and there that I need to fully love and accept myself and my family. I was convicted that if I do not change my behavior, I would be throwing away the greatest gift that God ever gave to me. It all starts with self-love. I deserve love, because God is love. And my family deserves my love.

We must never give up the fight

I firmly believe that we are in the midst of a spiritual battle, and that spiritual warfare exists. Satan is waiting in the wings, ready to jump into our lives and cause problems. I find that whenever I get closer to God, my wife or my family, Satan makes his presence known.

It happened just yesterday. In the morning and during the day, my wife and I were feeling closer to each other than we had in a long time -- we felt like the best of friends. But when I came home from work, we got in a terrible fight and said some very nasty things to each other. She blamed me, I blamed her, but I know that it was Satan jumping in and trying to break up our family.

In desperation, I said, "OK, Satan -- you win!"

I can't believe that I said that. I have been reading the book of Job lately, and I have tremendous respect for Job. After all that he went through, he never gave up on God. But for me, just one little challenge, and I gave up.

As men, we must never give up the fight in this spiritual battle. It is up to us to defend our families from the forces of darkness. We must keep our families together and use God's force in the battle. We must never let Satan win.