Forgiveness between daughter and father

On pp. 130-131 of "Getting Anger Under Control," Neil T. Anderson shares a woman's story of amazing grace:

When I was young, I was sexually abused by my father. This wasn't a frequent event by any means. I only remember it happening once. I don't recall details, but I remember enough to know that things happened that shouldn't have happened between a father and daughter. When I was saved in 1988, I was 35 years old. I felt a release from anger almost immediately. There was an internal peace I had never known.

However, seven years later I found myself still struggling around my father's birthday and Father's Day -- those occasions that required a card or call. I never was able to pick a card that said 'I love you' or any other intimate sentiment. It was troubling to me, and so finally one day during my devotions I brought this up to the Lord. I asked, 'Lord, why do I go through these struggles around these times?' The answer came quickly and clearly. It was simply, 'You don't respect him.' I started to object, laying all the groundwork for the argument that 'one needs to earn respect,' and so on.

I realized after a few minutes how useless my arguments were. All I heard was silence. I asked the Lord, 'Is this a sin against You?' Again, the response was quick and clear. 'Yes.' I felt devastated, but at the same time free. I confessed the sin, and then the Holy Spirit graciously flooded me with memories of the times my father had done things that deserved my respect, but I had deliberately withheld it.

Within a few weeks of this experience, I was talking to my dad on the phone. TALKING! We had never had a conversation before. This conversation lasted almost 15 minutes! That was the longest I had ever talked to my dad. At the end of the conversation we both said that we loved each other. It wasn't just words, but something we both felt sincerely.

My dad passed away this past February, which was about four years after that devotional time. When I was visiting him in his last few weeeks, I asked him for forgiveness for the times I was unkind and disrespectful. I also told him that I forgave him. I didn't go into detail of what it was I was forgiving him for; it was sufficient that we both knew. The very next day I asked him if he would pray to Jesus and ask for forgiveness of his sins. He did! I praise God for this, as he had always been extremely resistant to the gospel. I praise God for the words He gave to me at the end of my dad's earthly life. I have peace knowing that my dad is with God now and that I will see him again in eternity.

If this woman can forgive her father, we surely can forgive those who have hurt us.

The backyard kingdom

Photograph by Christopher Drake

I recently read a book called "The Good and Beautiful God: Falling in Love with the God Jesus Knows." On p. 184, the author, James Bryan Smith, tells a story about how God visited him in his backyard:  

One day, in the midst of my effort to slow down and become present, I decided to take an afternoon to try to live 'deliberately,' as Henry David Thoreau put it. It was an unseasonably warm mid-February day, so I sat in an Adirondack chair in my backyard. Of course, the leaves had long ago fallen, but one bushy tree really stood out. Normally, I would never have paid much attention to this tree, and given the time of year I would not have spent more than a few minutes in the backyard. But there it was, and it had my full attention. 

After a few minutes I noticed something strange about this tree in addition to its leaves: it had lots of tiny grape-like berries. I began to wonder why it was full of berries at this time of the year. Because I had been in and out of prayer that afternoon, I turned my attention to God and asked, 'God, why is this tree full of berries?' Right on cue a little bird, the size of a finch, flew to the tree, skewered a berry and flew to a nearby bush where it dined. The Spirit whispered, 'That is why the tree is full of berries.'

It was as if the Sermon on the Mount was being preached in my backyard.

Try to slow down and connect with God today.

The last thing Jesus said

I receive a monthly letter from John Eldredge of Ransomed Heart. The message of the most recent letter from Eldredge was "slow down":

As I was praying this morning about what we all needed in this month's letter, Jesus replied with a question: What is the last thing I said to you?

It wasn't meant to imply, Write about what I said to you this morning. Rather, Jesus was raising the issue of staying with him, staying with the words he gives to us. As in, Do you even remember the last thing I said to you? Let me explain why.

Every time I fire up my phone or computer, there's another notice: 'Software updates available' (there's a new one staring at me even now). And so I go through the rigamarole of updating this or that aspect of my system, or of some sweet little program I have that makes me feel cool and on top of things. Updates. Now, sure -- we all want to keep things running smoothly. But there is something about the number and frequency of these 'updates' that screams about the world in which we live.

The world is obsessed with the new, the latest, the next thing. Gimme the update. Obsessed.

Eldredge recommends slowing down our pace of life. When God speaks to you, record it somewhere so you can follow through on His word. . .and remember the last thing He said.

Strategic fatherhood

At the "Armor Up" conference this past weekend, one of the sessions focused on strategic fatherhood. Dr. Greg Bourgond said that a strategic father is:

• Child-centered (Proverbs 22:6)
• Protective (1 Timothy 5:8)
• Engaged (Ephesians 6:4)
• Strategic (Genesis 49:22-26)
• A model (1 Timothy 4:8)

Dr. Bourgond also said that a strategic father is a "guide by the side."

Armor up

Today I'm off to "Armor Up," a 24-hour advance for men to be held in Zumbro Falls, Minn. The featured speaker is Dr. Greg Bourgond, author of "A Rattling of Sabers" and "Papa's Blessings."

I went through Dr. Bourgond's Heart of a Warrior program and have been to a Heart of a Warrior advance before.

This should be a good time of male bonding and learning how to more fully become the man that God wants me to be.

Ways God speaks

My church small group has been watching "Empowered Evangelism," an amazing six-DVD series that features Robby Dawkins.

In the DVD series, Dawkins covers five ways that God speaks to us:

1. Popping words or scripture into your mind
2. Popping pictures into your mind
3. Knowing all of a sudden what God is saying
4. Having visions
5. Connecting through dreams

Dawkins encourages us to go out on a limb when praying for people. This involves saying "I sense," "I feel," or "I see" phrases about God connecting with someone before you actually know what God is saying. Dawkins adds that when we put our faith in God, He will help us to share His word with people.

Moving beyond shock

On pp. 69-70 of "Good-bye, Mitch," Rebecca Chepokas writes about how her mind began to clear a few weeks after her son Mitch died of cancer:

One chore I could no longer put off was unpacking Mitchell's suitcase from our recent cruise. I began removing new clothing he had never worn and treasures and toys he had not had the strength or time to enjoy. I was flooded with precious memories.

Suddenly, my anguish exploded. On the floor, surrounded by Mitchell's things, my heart shattered. I cried out, 'I want my Mitch back! Lord, I know You are in control of my life, please guide me and give me the strength I need to endure. You created me. Only You know what I am feeling. Tell me, how do I grieve? Please help me, Lord, to understand.'

After regaining my composure, I realized there was a pattern to my frequent emotional eruptions. I recognized the early stage of grieving that I had read about earlier. First was disbelief, followed by the numbing bandage of shock. But this soon ripped away exposing my emotional pain as an open sore, raw and tender.

While I wondered if God was trying to get my attention, an unexpected peace swept over me. God was answering my prayer. He had exposed my pain to grant me understanding. He was showing me, that to be healed, my pain must first be exposed. Only then can I deal with it. Then, how I grieve is my choice to make.

It was a choice He was urging me to make. If I chose to stay in a state of shock, its numbing effect would soon give way to dangerous, all-consuming self-pity and anger. I would be left emotionally crippled with a heartache I was unable to heal.

Rebecca learned that she needed to move beyond shock and go through each stage of grief in order to be healed.